Maybe it's especially noticeable right now, days before our son makes his way into the world, but I think pregnancy brings out a fine-tuned bullshit detector and way less patience for that bullshit once you come across it. You read the news and get even more pissed off at all the nastiness, more outraged by thoughtless behavior, more aware of who your real friends are because the rest sort of fall away somehow. Next to this acute impatience, though, is overwhelming gratitude for the simplest kindnesses. Everything comes into focus.
Listening to old Built to Spill today and when their song Cleo came on, I stopped mid-thought to listen closely and realized for the first time what the song's about.
Wiggly days wiggly nights When it's dark bring in lights so you can see What a sound straight through my spine Bounced off me Makes me round 3-D sound Push it down move it around, see I'm fine
Ain't it strange that I can dream (You can say it's night or day Snow or rain it's all the same) When there's nothing I have ever seen (In here, In here) Ain't it strange that I can dream (You can say it's night or day Snow or rain it's all the same) Ain't it strange that I have brain activity (In here, In here)
Who brought those cameras in Who gave who the right Inside a sea turned from frog to freak (Lennart Nilson shut off those lights) to tiny, red, and meek Ain't it strange that I can dream (You can say it's night or day Snow or rain it's all the same) Ain't it strange that I'm a human being Ain't it strange that I can dream (You can say it's night or day Snow or rain it's all the same)
Living in the womb Running out of room Have to come out soon Have to meet the sun and moon...
The last few weeks of pregnancy make damn sure that you're in so much discomfort that you're ready & willing to go into hours of hard labor at the drop of a hat. Eager, in fact. Fakey fake Braxton-Hicks contractions are the biggest teases in the world (yesss...nope...yes...no), you get 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night, your hips ache, you pee every hour, your feet are swollen and sore, walking is exhausting, getting out of bed hurts, and you feel sort of permanently dazed. Happily, though.
Hey lil Junebug, you're officially FULL TERM on Saturday so feel free to join us any time after that. We don't want to rush you, though, so if you feel like hanging out in there a few weeks longer, that's cool. I have a feeling you're gonna take your time, mellow dude.
In the meantime, we've been prepping like crazy for your debut. I'd heard about the nesting instinct but didn't fully understand its overwhelming power until last week. I organized our linen closet, colour-coordinated and hand-rolled the towels, and for the first and probably last time, ironed pillow cases and a few duvet covers. Next was the bedroom closet, where I cleaned out tons of old clothes and donated them to charity. Your daddy's been watering, weeding and planting new fleurs and veg in the garden for you to admire, and he also hung new blinds and curtains in your room.
I wonder what insane cleaning frenzy will hit me next...